Not the Same
by Legilipuff
Summary: Based on the events of episode 6x11 and the sneak peek from 6x12, this one-shot revolves around Regina's thoughts and her insecurities concerning Robin, or rather the version of him who is currently staying at her house. Enjoy!


_**A/N: Hi guys, this is just a quick one-shot that I just really felt like writing after watching the sneak peek of ep 6x12. It's been over a year since I've written anything at all so I hope this doesn't suck that much. Also I had very little time to write it, it's now 2am here and my eyes hurt (not joking) and I haven't had time to check for typos, hope there aren't too many. Enjoy and review if you want to let me know what you think about it :)**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Once Upon a Time nor its characters or any dialogue you might recognize from the show.**_

* * *

 _ **Not the Same**_

She turned off her alarm clock before it had the chance to start ringing and break the deafening silence that had invaded her house since she and Robin had set foot in it the night before.

 _Robin. But not my Robin_ , she thought to herself.

It had kept her up all night, all her doubts and insecurities gnawing away at her. Had she done the right thing by bringing him back to Storybrooke with her or had she just been selfish?

The previous day had been a roller-coaster of emotions and she knew, deep inside, that her head still wasn't clear enough to be objective about the whole situation.

It had felt like being thrown into ice-cold water, seeing him again, so out of the blue. She could've sworn her heart had actually stopped when their eyes had met. And she missed his blue eyes, she hadn't even realized just how much. But the man who had stood in front of her and Emma, though he was aesthetically exactly like her Robin, didn't look at her the way he used to. Instead, he had looked right through her. She was no one to him.

Still, a spark of hope kept pushing those darker thoughts aside. The feather from his arrow was a sign, she was sure, just like the fact that, unlike others in the Wish Realm he hadn't aged and that he had been able to cross the portal to Storybrooke.

More than a couple of times during the night she had gotten out of bed, down the flight of stairs and towards the study where she had set up the couch for him, just to make sure she it wasn't a dream, to see if he was really there. She had pressed her ear against the door, ever so gently so she wouldn't wake him up.

She would've given everything she had to lie in bed with him the way they used to, tangled limbs and messy bedsheets wrapped around their naked bodies as her head lay on his bare chest, his steady heartbeat lulling her to sleep as his hands lazily traced invisible patterns on her back. Those were the moments she missed the most, those brief, very rare moments they had had to themselves amidst all the chaos and all the drama.

They hadn't minded the silence then because it had been a silence filled with happiness, words would've been superfluous, useless in describing how happy they felt, just being with each other.

But the silence Regina had had to endure the whole night was simply unbearable, filled with fear, hesitation and the slightest bit of awkwardness as she couldn't figure out how to act around him. She had felt silly, throwing her arms around him the way she had when he had come through the portal, while his lay limp at his sides, but she had justified it by thinking he was still adjusting to the new reality, still getting to know her, a complete stranger to him until a few hours before. Maybe with time and a little space things would eventually be back to normal. Or at least some version of it.

Regina got up from her bed and tried to act as naturally as possible, as if it were any other morning. She showered, washed her hair and headed to her walk-in closet, as usual. But, as she got dressed, she saw the drawer containing Robin's neatly-folded clothes and opened it.

It had been hard, after Robin's death. She hadn't been able to say goodbye to him and she had a hard time accepting the fact that he was gone. She had put on a brave face around others, especially around Henry because she didn't want him to worry about her, but at night, when she was alone, it had been hard. The first nights had been the worst, she had mostly felt numb but then pangs of pain would hit her and she would just lie in bed, crying silently into her pillow until she could breathe steadily again.

On the third night, though, she had decided to avoid her bedroom entirely. She had to pull herself together for the funeral, which would be the following day, or she would fall apart completely. She had decided to keep busy, it was the only way she had to avoid thinking about Robin's absence. So she had started cleaning, dusting, tidying up the living room and baking, all without magic, like she used to do when Henry was little and Storybrooke was still magic-free. She had always found house chores rather calming, as a matter of fact.

After a few hours, every surface was perfectly clean, there wasn't a spec of dust in sight. A delicious smell pervaded the whole house as her famous apple pie was cooling off on the kitchen counter. So she had headed upstairs to retrieve the laundry basket, blissfully forgetting that Robin's clothes were inside it.

She had picked up his green sweater, her favourite, with trembling hands. She had held it up to her nose and let herself be hypnotized by the familiar scent. With her eyes closed, it had felt like he was there, standing next to her. For the first time after his death, she had managed to sleep that night, albeit for just a couple of hours, clinging to his clothes.

The day after the funeral she had decided she had to move on, so she had washed his clothes and carefully put them back in their drawer, which she never open again.

Not until today.

Regina wondered if giving the man who was currently sleeping in her study those clothes was a good idea. They were _her_ Robin's clothes, not his. Would it be awkward, offering them to him? After all, he had nothing else to wear, only the clothes he was wearing when he had crossed the portal, a rather odd attire to wear around town.

She was overthinking it all, she was sure. She picked the stack of clothes up and walked downstairs to bring them to him.

She pushed the door to the study open slowly, thinking he'd still be asleep, but saw him sitting in front of the window as the annoying sound of the alarm clock resonated insistently in the room.

"You're up!"

"Hard to sleep when that demon box keeps screaming at me."

"That's called an alarm clock… sorry" she added sheepishly "Anyway, I brought some… clean clothes"

Regina caught herself staring at him, hopefully before he had the chance to notice. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest, it seemed so weird, standing in front of this version of Robin, so similar and yet so different from the man she had grown to love.

"Thank you."

"Okay, then. I'll let you change…" she said, feeling the tension between them rising, and left the study.

She sighed as she leaned against the closed door. There were so many little things she missed about Robin that she couldn't find in this lesser copy of him. Like the smile he couldn't hide every time she walked into the room, and the way he used to bite his lower lip when she made him laugh.

Would she ever see that Robin again?


End file.
